


Go Farther

by Milkyuyu



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-25
Updated: 2014-07-25
Packaged: 2018-02-10 08:54:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2018877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Milkyuyu/pseuds/Milkyuyu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren feels like a failure, and Levi feels guilty.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Go Farther

**Author's Note:**

> There is one curse word. And something else, but no one will puke because there is no detail. Just a statement.

“Did you see me when I defeated that titan?”

“Yes, I—”

“How I killed him so easily and seamlessly?”

“Of course—”

“I was getting better! I was surely going to get them all!”

“I know—”

“But I never quite got there did I? I—”

“Stop it, Eren. I know what happened.”

“Did you really? Because—”

“You little shit. I don't need you to tell me. I saw what happened and I don't need to be reminded, so shut the hell up!” Levi balls his hands into fists and clenches his teeth as the memories of that particular day suddenly flood his thoughts again.

“You saw? I thought you didn't,” Eren says quietly. He steps away from the wall he was leaning against and comes to a stop at the edge of Levi's bed.

“How could I not?! I was supposed to be watching you.”

“But—”

“Be quiet, Eren! You never know when to shut your mouth.”

Eren watches Levi from the corner of his eye, trying not to make it obvious. He counts until ten, knowing that by that number Levi will be calmer. He knows he shouldn't say anything else about it, but he can't help it. He hasn't seen anyone since and he so badly wants to tell someone, to have someone know what happened, what it felt like. He only wants someone to know how proud he felt, how good it was going, the glory of finally taking revenge.

But the pain was unexpected. Everything had been going just the way he had planned. He was going on a kill—justice spree. But he paused in the middle of an attack just for a look at the setting sun. It was less than half a second, but suddenly there were stabs of pain and the adrenaline was gone and he was falling,falling, falling, and failingfailing _failingfailingfailing—_

“Corporal, it hurt. It hurt really bad when they slammed me back down onto the ground. When they ripped off my leg and bit off my arm. When the tore apart my wings and my dream, it hurt.” Eren tries to control his sniffling, but containing it only makes it worse and it's only seconds until the weak damn breaks and he's sobbing. “I was going to destroy them! All of them!” he shouts. “The pain was nothing but I failed! I _failed!_ ”

Levi doesn't look at Eren. Instead, he focuses on the area on his bed where the moonlight and the shadows meet. He isn't sure what to say because how are you supposed to patch up an ego of the teenager who was so convinced that he was the saviour of the world? Who already got a screaming wake up call from reality? Who refuses to believe in anything but the idea that he could have done so much more if only he was given a second chance? Levi was never good at this, but he wasn't one to let the members of his squad berate themselves over something already past. Levi sighs and tries his best to sound remotely reassuring. “You may have seen it as your responsibility to eliminate all the titans, but it wasn't. You did the best you could.”

“Right, letting all my kills get to my head was really the best I could do,” Eren spits out bitterly.

“Of course it was. It's only normal for someone to get cocky if all their injuries disappear moments after.” Levi takes a moment to glance down at his own hands covered in scars that could look almost artistic, yet are the most revolting things he's ever seen.

  

For a long while, they are both silent. The moonlight grows, spreading across the bed and painting Levi's legs a pale white, stopping just before it could color Eren's bare feet in the same color.

“Captain,” Eren says quietly as he places his cold fingertips on the back of Levi's hand, “thank you. Really, thank you. I don't—I think everything would have been a lot worse if it hadn't been you who had to watch over me.”

Levi presses the palms of both his hands to his eyes and the laughs he releases are hollow. “Idiot, it can't get much worse than this.”

Eren gently pulls on Levi's wrists and lowers his hands. “Captain... I could have died much sooner, you know. It was thanks to you that I at least made it this far. So thank you.”

“You could have gone farther if only...”

“I know, but I realize now that we both know that now it's up to you and the rest to go farther. For me, okay?”

Levi doesn't want to hear or think about it, but the only thing he can do is shut his eyes tight and hope he sees and understands nothing. Eren leans in, planting a soft kiss on his cheek. “Thank you, Levi,” he whispers in his ear.

When Levi opens his eyes again, there are tears on his face and Eren is gone.

**Author's Note:**

> Hmm, was he a ghost? And imagination? Was it a final message? Or self-forgiveness? Who knows.


End file.
